Day 28 - An Image That Best Represents My Greatest Fear

I fear that I will have a boring life, a meaningless existence. I fear that I will not have created anything, or "have anything to show for it." I am not content or would be disappointed to discover that my existence is just to be a FUNNEL that produced offspring who will have a grander purpose...

So this FEAR causes me to self-sabotage, waste my time, and to be inactive & stagnant. Focussing on my fear distracts me from my PURPOSE & MEANING in life... to be a servant of GOD and fulfill HIS purpose for me. And what exactly is that I wonder still?

I can relate to the idea Ayn Rand puts forward of drifting helplessly... it's how I often feel...

"A central purpose serves to integrate all the other concerns of a man’s life. It establishes the hierarchy, the relative importance, of his values, it saves him from pointless inner conflicts, it permits him to enjoy life on a wide scale and to carry that enjoyment into any area open to his mind; whereas a man without a purpose is lost in chaos. He does not know what his values are. He does not know how to judge. He cannot tell what is or is not important to him, and, therefore, he drifts helplessly at the mercy of any chance stimulus or any whim of the moment. He can enjoy nothing. He spends his life searching for some value which he will never find . . . .

The man without a purpose is a man who drifts at the mercy of random feelings or unidentified urges and is capable of any evil, because he is totally out of control of his own life. In order to be in control of your life, you have to have a purpose—a productive purpose . . . . The man who has no purpose, but has to act, acts to destroy others. That is not the same thing as a productive or creative purpose." Ayn Rand

You cannot find meaning & purpose in a hobby, or a person, or a career.

"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes"- Marcel Proust